Wishing that this day was so much better feels like I'm drowning in sorrow no silver lining in this cloud. 

Seems like when your up, happy and your ready to conquer everything you can,

Life seems to throw you a curve ball that knocks the wind out of you. 

Mind has been in a whirlwind while the heart has been in serious seclusion and recluse. 

Trying to fight your way out of the darkness that seems to have you in a tight embrace unable to move left nor right. 

Confused, Panicked, Feverish, and unable to grasp for air

I Choose You

So my song of the moment is Mario- I choose you. A simplistic love song that warms the soul.



Listen and Review.

Relax

                                  
Lay down and get to work. Release. Feelin stressed, had a bad day, don't get in my way, got plenty time to stay and play.

My soulful, melodic voice sooths you to no end, carnival ride from beginning to end.

Let me ease ur pain while it rains. Forget heartache and heartbreak, not the hotel for entry. So come on home and find what you really need. ME!

Look into my eyes stare into my soul listening to Jah Cure "True Reflections" playing softly in the background. Laying side by side with our hands intertwined. Whispering sweet nothings from the heart.

So hard to say goodbye to the love we use to share. How we used to care. It's unforgetable how we were truly doomed from the start. Each with issues of our own. Yours and Mine.

Lonliness and heartache remembered crying myself to sleep wondering.

Where would I be if you hadn't let our love part ways. Smiles, laughter, tears, hope, love all into the eternal abyss...

One once said " if you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you then it's yours.".

In my case that's not true.

Walked out of my life leavin your footsteps on my heart...

LOVE

Love

Love is a state of happiness which allows a person to endure the many emotions embodied by human beings.

Love is a way of life

Love is not a maybe thing,

Love is always profound.

Love is not meant to hurt.

Love is meant to heal

Love is not manipulative.

Love Is not Demanding

Love is being with another person who makes you feel complete, who makes you feel as if you are the only one who matters.

Love is patient, kind, faithful, true, as the Ms. India Arie would say.

Love is the most precious thing in the world, and is not to be taken lightly.

Love is making one feel secure, protected, appreciated.

Love isnt who you see yourself with, Love is who you cant see your self with out.

Love has no doubt, Love lifts up your spirits, Love is unlike anything else.

Love is one of a kind.

Love is what your heart truly desires,

Love is a gift, an adventure, a mystery, a struggle, an oppurtunity, a goal, Love is Life

Cherish it.

Jaded Reality

I woke up this morning with a thought on the tip of my tongue. Some start has bitter endings but it taught me to be strong, and there were lessons learned. Every tear that fell from my eyes, every change that has gone on, every friendship lost, every trust broken has made me into who I am. Becoming who I am has been a hard, yet wonderful journey. It makes me grateful for the future. The Past will always remain the past, the only thing you can do now is live in the present and make your own future. Saying goodbye to the past wasn't always easy.

          As I gaze through my window with Carrie Underwood playing in my background, I sit and reminisce about how things were and how quickly things can change. As a child, I remember sitting and wondering how different my life would be if I had a father. I would become daddy's little girl in an instant. I imagine how he would hold me tight in his arms and never let me go. I really thought that having a father would fill this void I have deep inside. I always thought that this void could be filled with love that only a father can give a daughter. As I grow up I realize, the void would never become full. In order to fill this void I feel deep inside of myself, I would have to begin to love myself in a way that no one can ever take away from me. I feel like to this day he never loved me enough to stay with me, be a father to his child. A child formed from his seed and into a wonderful woman's womb. I feel like I am not good enough and am constantly building this wall around my heart. I have a trust issue because of this factor of my past. But the upside to this aspect is that it has given me tougher skin. I never let people in to much in order to not be hurt when I get disappointed. It has a downside as well; I've realized that it is hard for me to maintain a long lasting relationship because I reject people before they can hurt me. Because of this aspect in my life, I have become a fighter. Why am I a fighter? The definition of a fighter is a pugnacious, unyielding, or determined person. I have been put down for dreaming, talked about by friends, lost people dear to me, been pointed at, called names, and yet here I am rising from the ashes of ridicule like a Phoenix.

          It's amazing how hard one blemish in your past makes it hard for your future. No one knows how hard it is to trust someone with your heart. As I embark on a relationship, I am always scared of being left. Not physically but emotionally. I want to be one of the normal who have long lasting relationships and who love like the fairy tales. Maybe it's just me who lives in my imagination but I feel like I want to spread my wings and just take that leap into love and maintain a normal relationship. My problem is that when things get to tough I have the tendency to bail. I have broken almost every relationship I have had because I am scared, Scared of being left, being alone. In writing this I feel like this weight has been lifted of my heart. So in turn I fight with all of my will and being to make things work. Ive officially become whom Ive always wanted to be.